I say the word. People freeze. Panic in their eyes. Is it disbelief. Helplessness. Anger. Fear.
This was not what I had planned. This was a game changer. The diagnosis hit me like a high speed train. I could not breathe. The world stopped. Our world. My world. Last Summer I dropped everything to tackle the task in hand. Cleared the diary. Embraced every ‘alternative’ route imaginable. Cut out sugar. Replaced my glass of wine with beetroot juice. Braced myself for the onslaught of chemo.
What amazed me about chemo, I won’t bore you with the minutia and ghastly side effects, was how creative I felt. I spent months writing, drawing, planning holidays, meditating, creative thinking. I plotted and schemed. Developed new ideas, twisting and turning through ideas, patterns, styles, colours. Was it the drugs. Even they were technicoloured.
I’m not quite there yet, with my new coping mechanisms. But every day I get stronger and am able to look at the bigger picture. Slowly emerging from my cocoon. I’ve been blessed to be surrounded, supported and loved by my family and friends. True friends who have given me strength along the way. Without them all I would not be this focused or even peaceful.
With this renewed strength the Phoenix is rising. Cautiously. Gently. Calmly. Spreading my wings. Reborn. With a second chance. A new year fast approaches, with it fresh discoveries. Unchartered ground. Collaborations. Exciting interior schemes. New fabrics. Colourful products. Imaginative ideas. A new beginning.
But first, Christmas. A time to gather and celebrate life itself. Last year I did all my shopping online. This year I’ve ventured out to some interesting Christmas markets. They’ve delivered in abundance. But I confess I still have a few tricky people to buy for. I’m sure you struggle with the same dilemma.
Thank you to all of you who for supporting me through this crazy journey. I am really looking forward to what next year will bring. With so much worth living for.
Wishing you all a joyful, healthy and peaceful Christmas.
This is a photo of me. Taken earlier this year. My friends gathered together and made this beautiful quilt for me. Each friend chose a swatch of fabric. How colourful they are. All beautifully sewn together. Every day I feel loved as I cosy up under this shroud of kindness.